You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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