put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
