the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
