i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
