She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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