In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
