How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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