Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
