WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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