my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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