On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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