OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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