i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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