Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
