I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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