Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
