Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
