I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
