I think I won the penis lottery.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
