At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
