tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
