Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize