i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
