I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
