I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
