God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
