the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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