shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
