Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
