My liver just broke up with me...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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