I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
