Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
