We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize