East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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