I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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