I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
