I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
