I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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