i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
