Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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