i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
