I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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