He disabled his match.com account in front of me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
