she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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