I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
