Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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