Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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