I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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