how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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