Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Green mimosas i think yes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
True strength comes from lack of pants
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
