We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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