think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
