I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You took a bar mat shot.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i think my cat just said my name.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
