i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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