Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
