Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
