we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
