It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
