I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize