I am spending my child support on dildos
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
