my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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