Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
