cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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