I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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