What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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