I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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